Reflection

Well...my 3rd Mother's Day is over! And to be quite honest...it didn't turn out like I expected. My "mothers day" wasn't great. I had a very emotional day...maybe I'm tired, stressed, etc and it all came crashing down on me today. Mothers Day gets built up in many a moms heads that it is "her" day, and like most I was expecting the perfect day! I was expecting my husband to ask me what I wanted all day long, the kids to do everything I asked etc. Well, first off...I was expecting way too much of everyone. My husband works A LOT!! His only day off this week was today, he has been leaving at 7 am and coming home at 10:30 or 11:00 p.m all week. And to ask him to give up his rest to grant my every wish is just plain selfish...but of course, like I said, I expected it! And my kids, well...they're only 4 and 21 months, so I really can't expect too much from them! So, my house has been SO messy all week because of everything going on (see Tuesday's post) and I have gotten so behind on laundry! Nathan's mom is coming in tomorrow and I want everything to be caught up and clean so I can spend time with her and the rest of the family without getting even more behind! So, with the pressure of trying to clean my house and do laundry (on Mothers Day) and expecting Nathan to do everything I want (without me asking) and then my kids throwing HUGE fits come naptime (which they never do, Ashlyn was crying hysterically for an hour and Rielyn just didn't want to nap)...I broke down. So, I gave it all up...the kids finally fell asleep and I left Nathan with a messy house and went shopping. It really wasn't a great shopping trip either, but it was good to kind-of get away for a little while. I came home and the house was still messy, but my kids were happy and happy to see me and thats when I really realized what "Mothers Day" is all about. It's not about your expectations, it's about the unexpected. Like the times when Rielyn comes up to me and says "momma..." and I'm thinking, "what now?" and she just finishes with "...I love you!" And when Ashlyn cries when I leave the room and when I come back, she runs to me and gives me the biggest bear hug ever! I don't need a day to have my family show me I'm a good mother...I get to enjoy being a "momma" every single day! I know it's all my fault that today wasn't the best and I'm glad that it made me appreciate what I do as a mother, instead of wanting everyone else to apprecaite what I do. I feel bad and want to apologize to my mom too because my "Happy Mothers Day" phone call was in the middle of my emotional meltdown. She deserved a heart-felt phone call and I was being selfish. I do appreciate my mom and I know she will probably be reading this in the morning, so I want her to know that I do love her and I'm sorry for not giving YOU the credit you deserve. SO....anyways, I learned a lot today and I hope it gives some others some things to think about too. I usually don't get to deep or emotional in my blogs, but today was extraordinary...it was MY DAY!! Hee hee! Oh and I did get a good gift from Nathan that I will be using in the next couple weeks...a FULL day at Cottonwood Salon and Spa!! Haircut, color, massage, pedicure....the works. Yippee!! But, like I said...the real gift is seeing how much my kids really do love me! :)